Mixed Nutts

Our boy is at it again. Finding ways to lose football games, I mean. By snatching defeat from the jaws of victory for the 4th time in the last 5 games, Ol' H outdid himself. Of course the lone win in that time was against mighty Trojan State, excuse me, Troy State. I was thinking about their leaky defense, although their offense slipped by the Hogs for 26 points.

While we're on the subject of phalluses, how about those 4 straight Dick incompletions vs. LSU on the Hogs' last possession? Then the Florida fiasco, led by Reggie Fish, who would never make it on the FLW tour, after all, you've gotta catch something before you can release it.

Then the What's In Your Wallet Bowl, (oops, another Trojan reference) giveaway in which the Hog hat was trumped (speaking of Dicks) by the Cheeseheads due to a totally inept offensive "performance" featuring a 4th down pass to a guy who's now a starting guard. Only Houston Nuttcase would move a player from guard to fullback and back again.

The game was about as exciting as watching an Amish cheese-grating contest, with the Badger offense being the slowest I've seen in probably 20 years. The term "running back" was definitely a misnomer for PJ Hill, who moved like a Pachyderm Jogging, maybe that's what it stands for, but he wasn't standing much, mostly Hill was at the bottom of a pile 2 yards behind the line of scrimmage.

Now, the peanut of SEC coaches got outcoached by Nick Satan. No surprise there, we expected that. What we didn't expect was the boneheaded clock management on the 3rd and 12. Where was Felix Jones, first of all? Secondly, if we had run the ball, and kept it in bounds, 'Bama, with no time outs, would have had no more than 1:30 or so on the clock to go over 70 yards.

You know the worst part of all this, besides losing the game, of course? The usual fawning and excuse-making by the Arkansas sports media. Harry King of Stephens Media, who becomes more of a hack all the time, had a sub-headline of "Saban Nearly Outsmarts Self". Huh? Who outsmarted whom? Of course, outsmarting Houston Nutt is about as challenging for an SEC coach as outscoring Paris Hilton on an IQ test.

Clay Henry, the Speak No Evil to King's See No Evil and Chuck Barrett's Hear No Evil troica almost topped that with: "Razorbacks Refuse To Give In To Tide". I know Henry is the big cheese of Nutts Illustrated, but what have these guys been smoking? Or have they just been inhaling the smoke coming out of Houston's cellphone?